Short Note for the Day/Probably Week.

Well my mother was here for a few days and it will take me a few days to overcome this visit as it was the absolute worse visit I can ever remember. I am the daughter from hell but whatever, I somehow have to find the strength to climb out of it and try and live. For the first time in my entire life I expressed my feelings to her and it was not a nice scene. My mother who has lived in denial all her life was a little shocked to hear some of the things I had to say, but what can I say she had taken me to my limit and I could no longer hold back. Apart from that I feel like crawling in a hole and not coming out now; unfortunately I have other commitments that I have to take care of and cannot give into my feelings. So it is one of those times you are constantly crying out to God and yelling HELP ME GET THROUGH THIS MINUTE, THIS HOUR, THIS DAY!!! Just get me through whatever is ahead and there are some things I do have control over, such as who I speak to on the phone, who I connect with over the next few days, if it is not life giving I cannot do it. My focus has to be my family and beyond that I cannot do anything. As crappy as I feel, the heavy load I was carrying has now been lifted. So this is what I have been through over the past few days. It is a beautiful day finally here in Manitoba so I will be doing the threapeutic thing and working in my yard today. It will be very good for me. I was a woken up after going back to bed by one of my boys getting sick, so I quickly got up and changed my bed and started my day. I read a comment from a freind of needing a new blog out so I thought I would quickly get this out and get the next load of laundry out on the line. Okay so to all of you who read this I hope you all have a great week!!! Hold on to the phrase God is Good, and all things work out for good to those who love the Lord. So I holding on by a thread. I need his Grace more than ever at this point of my life, I feel so bad that my give a damn got busted over the pass couple of days. I'm a loser and failure, yet I have to go on. Oh well.....

So much to say and so little time!

When I think of blogging on here today I think of what has gone on since I last blogged and there is just so much I could say and yet I fear if I started on any of it I'm not sure I would be able to stop. Like what you say? Well I will start with these people who have degrees but little front line experience and think that going by the book is the answer to all these kids who have issues to be treated the same.
Just go home and let him live a normal life, how can you offer a child a normal life when there has been so much damage. You can offer somewhat of normal life but, what about the things that are foreign to them and the things that scare them because they don't think they deserve such things. The ANT (automatic negative thinking) that goes on in there head. These people who think they know more than the ones who live with the individual after spending one hour for six months on a biweekly basis.
Yup and of course I could go on and on. Then of course this week it has been an adventure in the health care system. Being told oh well people do die. Of course people die but does it not become alarming when in a small community of under 600 people 5 die in 5 weeks. Yes some is warranted, but why does the care these people get always too late. When they are basically told they have cancer has gone passed the hope mark. Do people who live in the north not matter, (I don't mean north as in a 2-4 hour trip north, but a 12-14 hour trip). Then they are basically told we can do nothing for you so just go home. It is so frustrating!! And yes there is more and more I could blab and blab about but there is never enough hours in the day and never time with these two boys who keep me hopping and running and dancing and YES PRAISING GOD!!!! HA! HA! So this is where my head has been and I am so so looking forward to being away for a month this year. I will be in the land that gives me life, where I can breathe and feel free. There will be no phones for me, nothing for me other than seeing the beauty of MY KING!!! Okay well gotta a fly, I have a wedding to attend today, which I do not want to go to but I am committed to going to. Okay I am now signing off until the next time I have time to do this again. I do hope it will be soon and more on a positive note.

MY NAN IS GONE TO HER NEXT STOP!!!

WELL I have to say I had a great visit with my nan she is so awesome, just keeps so active. I must say though she is slowing down a little but smart as a whip, meaning all of her faculties are still with her. We managed to do all she wanted to do, out for an evening, and lots of shopping and little rides. Her dream is to win the lottery so she can take care of me, she is so funny. She says if she won I would be on a plane the next day and I could go and pick up my money. So, so funny. Needless to say I do know her heart is in the right place. As I had shared of how life giving she is to me, her first night here when I tucked her in she said to me; the best day of her life was the day that I was born. She is always what the doctor ordered. As for my plants I have to clarify this, I only put out started plants and some perrinial seeds and I did plant my sweetpeas. So I guess if they do not come up I will know better for next year. My starter plants have been covered with plastic and blankets for about a week now. I am hoping the weather will begin to get nice again. Well my hubby is coming home today for a couple of days so I best get the house clean clean clean. So until I have time to come in here again. Have a good week.